Making the Most of my life and activating the power within-Welcoming my 37th year…

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Six years ago, I was beaten, confused and depressed. It is June 2020 and my 37th birthday and all I see is a ray of sunshine, gratitude and a great future ahead. Indeed, these have been beautiful thirties-a decade of blossoming and becoming. It wasn’t an easy journey, I have learned a lot about who I am, my identity, career, relationships, what drives me and what I believe in.

As I turn 37, I realise that all the painful experiences, the tears, the pain, the joy, the self-doubt, the confusion, the success, the heartaches, the emotional roller coasters, the loneliness, the fear, the depression, the anxiety have been all necessary to get me to where I am today and all I can truly say is that I am humbled and grateful! Would I have wished to have it easier, definitely, but I have learnt to embrace all my life experiences with all their contradictions and be grateful for who I am and all that I am. The pleasure, the pain have all been part of this journey and if you ask me, they have been totally worth it.

Yes, I am still heartbroken by the turn of certain events in my life. Yes, I still cry,  a lot actually, and feel sad and sorry for myself intermittently . But what I know for sure, as I turn 37 is that my happiness lies in knowing that I am a survivor, I am beautifully scarred, and I am forgiveness.

I’m learning daily how to be more mindful and present in my life. It’s an ongoing practice that  I’m not sure I’ll ever figure out. I think I’m getting better at letting go of the past but more often than not I find myself in the past, hurting and crying. I find comfort in knowing that the journey of a thousand miles starts with small steps-so baby steps for now, is doing it for me.

As I celebrate my 37th year, I hope that I continue to learn to be gentle, patient and kind with myself so that as I grace through the days of my life I do so with so much ease and calm, knowing that I cant control how other people treat me or what happens to me but I can surely control how I react to every experience I go through.I know for sure that I am ‘beautifully and wonderfully made’ and that God is my rock and solid ground.

I have learned a painful truth in my life that the “shitty” things that happen to me are actually things my soul asks for. And It’s very hard to accept this truth- that my soul asked for all those multiple rape experiences, the molestation, the physical abuse as a child, the chronic illnesses, the heartbreaks, the betrayals, the violence experienced…Sometimes it’s so hard to get my head around all of these but you can’t be mad at the universe for that right?. In all these, I have mastered the art of loving this complex being unconditionally and unapologetically because self-love is the greatest love of all as Whitney Houston reminded us. I have had to unlearn and relearn a healthy sense of self in order to get the life I want. I have put myself on a self-rediscovery journey where I have done immense healing work on myself, read so many books, sought a deeper and better understanding of myself, to allow me to embrace my unaltered, authentic self. I must say, I am living my truth, and it’s incredibly liberating.

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As a person that thrives in solitude, I have learnt to create and live in my own time zone literally and metaphorically. Life is not a race, there is no manual for how to do it. Live your life the best way you know how to in your small corner. I know that I will reach certain milestones whenever I reach them- I am never too late or too early. I am doing this thing called life on my terms and my own time minding my own business whilst at it. This has been my greatest lesson of all time -comparison is the thief of happiness.

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 As I grow older, I am mastering the art of doing me and for me that has even meant episodes of disappearing from the public scene, rebooting and nurturing myself with unconditional love and tenderness. This has seen me not being active on social media for the past 3-4 years and realising that after all there isn’t much I am missing from it . The underlying truth is to live your truth and being comfortable knowing that your true self can’t possibly make everyone happy-and that is OK.

As an empath, I realised that I love to live in quiet, serene places with abundant nature. I made the bold decision to relocate from the capital city and built my house in a smaller city- Rusape, which is located in the most scenically beautiful province of Zimbabwe. I run in the wild when I go for my morning jogs, I take walks to the river with my kids and my dog, we wake up to the birds singing and my cocks crowing. I eat what I produce and I aspire to lead an organic and grounded life as far as possible. I am living a life in harmony with nature, that is more than I could have imagined. But does this mean, I have no worries, NO, never, I am still that girl who sometimes cries herself to sleep or wakes up in the middle of the night to cry.

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these are views that give me life…

I am still work in progress and I imagine this will be an ongoing process until the day I die. By committing to this process, I keep learning new lessons every day. One lesson I have learnt in my challenging 36th year was, ‘life doesn’t have to break us’, regardless of what we go through. In addition to the chronic illnesses I already battle, I discovered I have scoliosis and 2 discs on my spinal cord that degenerated and this saw me use the wheelchair and crutches to navigate- this was trying (story for another day), as if this was not enough, I have been battling with anaemia which has changed my life in so many untold ways. I appreciate taking the time to do self-work as it is allowing me to make space for unexpected miracles that keep showing up in my life, miracles I am certain will continue being a constant as I journey through life.

As I journey towards 38 and hoping to make it to 40 and beyond, I have made my health a priority. I had lost weight before and put back most of it but have now lost it and am committed to making this the last time I put my body through such stress. My health priorities encompasses the physical, sexual and mental aspects, which I have to prioritise at all cost. My mental health will always come first in everything I do and so will my physical health and sexual health. I love running and it is magical for my physical and mental health. I will stick to it, as it has me ‘running towards my salvation’. I have been working towards avoiding diets that imprison me and really just commit to taking care of myself and my body. That means eating healthy every day, not to look a certain way but to take care of myself and give me the energy I need to be my best and stop worrying about the calories. I just want to be healthy and holistically take care of my body.

I love travelling for leisure and I hope to plan more trips and adventures with my kids and loved ones. Being in lockdown has reminded me how much travelling I do and it’s been making me feel a little off as I have been confined to one place for too long. I can be a total homebody but getting out of the house and doing stuff and going places is one of the best ways to make memories that I always cherish. I love to write as I am able to fully express myself and I have not necessarily been doing much writing of late-here is to more writing.

Lastly, I hope to continue making an impact in as many girls and young women’s lives as I can. This is what I am passionate about, if I can make the life of any girl better than mine was or even better than it would have possibly been then I will sleep well at night. If anyone wants to make me happy then adopt a girl and pay for her education and improve her life-I know what education can do to one’s life-it’s a game changer and I am a living testimony.

Things are far, really far, from being perfect but what more could a person want in this life?  I am grateful, satisfied, and happy with where I am. I have made sure to surround myself with relationships where there is laughter, respect, fun, passion, and all of that put together is how I define love. Here is to more laughter, more love, more adventure, more tears, more pain, more hope, more growth, more LIFE…